Ally Katte presents her favourite Halloween inspired Burlesque Acts.

It’s no secret that Coochie Crunch and it’s contributors love Halloween. In a departure from the usual gore filled that are a mainstay of most Autumnal events I’ve chosen to showcase some of my favourite all together oooky animal and creature routines for your entertainment!

Jo ‘Boobs’ Weldon – Godzilla

I love the awesome, Fear and Loathing-esque costume. Jo works what looks like a runway stage, one of the most tricky stages to perform on, with great skill. And what a bum-bastic ending!

Roulette Rose – The Alligator Woman

Routlette’s moves are nicely timed, not too rushed and beautifully paced. It’s also great to see a performer with a very minimal costume and not rely on layers to keep the interest.

Miss Dirty Martini vs The Spider

The incomperable Dirty Martini gives us classic burlesque with a creepy twist in this Zorita tribute. I have a thing about good hands, and Dirty’s hands are PERFECT I tell you.

Angie Cakes – Bride of Frankenstein

Fantastic facial expressions, subtle costuming and great use of lighting! And some awesome stripper moves too.

Courtney Crave – Sympathy for the Devil

Some gorgeously gymnastic moves and ingenious costuming. Though I’ve always preferred The Stones over Axl Rose.

Lou Leigh-Blue’s Mummy

This Bristol babe has Halloween all wrapped up…ho ho!! A touch of the Universal Horror with some wry wit and sexy moves.

Angelique DeVille

Lovely costumes and some awesome untraditional dance moves. Perfect timing at the end too.

Bambi The Mermaid

Giving creepy and sadness in true New York style, with a envy inducing glitter baste. And for the vintage shoe lovers out there, some gorgeous Spring-o-lator style mules. Anyone else hungry?!

Cleo Viper – Butterfly Metamorphosis

Beautiful costume, perfect music and gorgeous makeup combine to make a truly creeptacular yet pretty routine. Evoking early cinema and eerie visions of circuses past.

Tuesday Laveau

And finally…Coochie Crunch’s own Tuesday Laveau!

Wolf booty shaking and the bravery to keep your face covered at all times. HOOOOWL!

Ally Katte (c) CamraKaze

Snake Oil by The Rumble O’s.

The Rumble-O’s

Spooky and classic, here’s Lula Houp-Garou courtesy of Modern Noir Photography.

Lula Houp-Garou (c) Modern Noir Photography

CoochieCrunch are delighted to close out the Spooky Season with a comprehensive list of perfect awfulness from the sticky-gooey Dis Charge.

Spooky shtick is nothing new to the alternative and burlesque scenes. Recently, thanks in part to the success of RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant Sharon Needles, the darker side of the counter-culture has experienced a renaissance of sorts. It seems that everywhere we turn a spiked jacket and heavy black shadows are the maquillage du jour for many stalking the streets. And of course, as we approach Goth christmas this phenomenon is certain only to increase.

It is with this in mind that at this time of year, I tend to reflect on the lasting influence of darker subcultures and their icons. The performers who have exemplified the shadowy brilliance of the ‘Everyday is Halloween’ cult, icons of the Gloominati!

These are my references, my heroines and heroes. Figure heads of the underground that have provided me with a great deal of inspiration as they have many others.

And so, here we have it: Dis Charge’s Top 10 Angels of the Abyss or Top 10 Bitches the Devil Wants to Date.

10. Vinsantos DeFonte

Native of New Orleans and a legend of the S.F. drag cabaret circuit, I first became exposed to Vinsantos via the Peaches Christ short, Spin the Bottle. A merciless parody of Madonna’s ‘In Bed with…’ documentary. He was surly and strange, a marionette in drag whose peaked lips and ratted hair allowed him to stand out in a sea of gigantic wigs and blonde brilliance.

Vinsantos DeFonte (c) Austin Young

I delved straight into his material, devouring his comedic chanson with great appetite. I watched his short film, ‘33‘ and howled with laughter as he abducted babies from trams and snatched children from their bikes in order to sacrifice them to his cause… a revolutionary anti-ageing treatment that required their blood!

Vinsantos presents an image that is deliciously masculine and feminine all at once, twisting up his presentation into a delirious genderfuck extravaganza. No-one does a Jesus lip synch mock-miracle quite like Vinsantos!

He also makes incredibly creepy, yet strangely beautiful hoodoo inspired dolls sold through his Etsy shop, Kreeture! Buy them, here.

You can read my interview with this legendary legend here: 

9. Fade-Dra Phey

Legendary Tranimal monster of the L.A. scene, daughter of Squeaky Blonde; Fade-Dra is a feast for the eyes and ears. The image which always comes to mind for me whenever I think of her, lifts directly from the erratic makeup-spattered piece performed to the Vanity 6 classic, ‘MAKE…UP!’

Fade-Dra Phey (c) Austin Young

Picture it…

A dark bar, crammed with sweating screeching men and women. The opening synth picks up and the blackness is illuminated by a Hollywood makeup bulb frame. Through this, we can see a bearded, stocking mask clad figure who stares intently into the assembled mass.

‘BLUSH… EYELINER….’

scratching hands claw at makeup now crushed into her eyes and cheeks…

‘HUSH… SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!’

The crowd is laughing, entranced… nervous. Foundation flies at her face, powder and paint spray at the crowd and across Fade-Dra as she leers and croons to the words, her beard spilling out like a scar.

‘IF I WEAR A DRESS… HE WILL NEVER CALL…’

The song continues, the list of applied cosmetics grows as does the fury with which Fade-Dra applies it to herself…

‘SMOKE A CIGAR-ETTE… I’M NOT READY YET!’

the final stage, our queen rests against her chair, the lights of the mirror pumping and flickering as she lights her cigarette with a huge flame. Her face is ruined. Covered in cosmetic wreckage.

I AM IN LOVE!

Few queens take the chances that Tranimals do, and that’s why I love them!

8. Elvira

What can I say?! That rack… that hair… that makeup… THAT COMEDY! An irrefutable icon of the underground, Elvira has had women, men and men-women squeezing themselves into tight black dresses, fishnets and killer heels for over a decade in pursuit of attaining her stunning figure. She is one of the ultimate and enduring icons of b-movie cinema, coming to prominence with her TV Show ‘Fright Night’, in which, she provided the colour commentary to a plethora of suitably schlock-stick cinematic gems proving so popular that she inevitably ended up creating and starring in one of my all-time favourite films; ‘Elvira, Mistress of the Dark’.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Her punk-vamp sex kitten image combined hysterically with valley girl inspired bombastic timing and aided the re-invigoration of alternative culture, particularly that of the Goth scene who seized upon her image as a standard bearer of kooky cool in a media age filled with soap stars, conservative moralistic drama and bland pop tripe.

Elvira is a GODDESS, and, no stranger to drag, she also whole-heartedly supports my next legend of the underground… PEACHES CHRIST!

7. Peaches Christ

She’s a film-maker, singer, performer and cult-leader with an empire that has rapidly expanded beyond her native San Francisco. Her tireless dedication to B-Movie culture and aesthetic does not only qualify her for the drag hall of fame but has earned her a special place in the heart of many. Peaches has made myself and sister-baby-girl, Tini Von Doom howl with laughter for many hours, not least for her ‘Tranilogy of Terror’ short film collection. Seriously, watch ‘Nightmare on Castro Street’, I DARE you not to crack a rib let alone a smile!

Peaches Christ

Representing a darker side of show-girl glamour, I have always been a fan of Peaches Christ’s image as well as her razor sharp wit and hysterical Midnight Mass performances. I am dying to get to her infamous ‘Night of 1000 Showgirls’ movie celebrations promoting the dire classic of ham-acting; ‘Showgirls’.

Peaches is an exemplary performer and her presence on the underground as well as her perpetual bolstering of local talent provides us with a valuable insight into how well the outsider can do and of course, just how interesting life is with a little bit of glitter, a fuck-ton of blood and slatherings of poisonous wit.

Here’s a link to her essential, ‘Tranilogy…’ films.

6. Kembra Pfahler and The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black

“My mother told me, If you show your vagina on-stage – your career will be over!’ so that day I shot ‘Sewing Circle’ with Richard Kern’ and launched my career.”

Incase you’re wondering… ‘Sewing Circle’ was the embodiment of Pfahlers frustration with partners, performers and parents who had been telling the young goddess of punk performance art how to conduct herself for far too long. The film itself graphically depicts a smiling Kembra sewing her lips together (not those lips…) as she stares unflinchingly into the camera, laughing and oozing camp sexuality. It is an image notorious amongst the Cinema of Transgression, and it helped to turn her and her band; The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black into legends of NYC counter culture.

Kembra Pfahler

Splicing punk-rock ‘Beautalism’ with Kali-goddess brilliance, Kembra became the leader of a performance troupe whose colourful originality and surrealist aesthetic established them as one of the greatest (and most under-rated) American punk rock groups of all-time. Kembra even coined her own art-movement known as, Availabalism and according to former club-kid, BOOB art rocker and visual artist, Walt Paper, taught him ‘Everything he knows about how to survive as an artist’.

Subversive, stunning and (possibly) completely insane, Kembra Pfahler has made a huge impact on of a generation of performers and artists including myself!

I demand that you listen to her seminal recording, ‘Neighborachie’ or perhaps, the more timely ‘I Believe in Halloween’, immediately!

5. BOOB

A consistent reference for myself, I love BOOB! Art-Punk shockers hailing from NYC and boasting a stage show that many alt. rock performers have shamelessly stolen from, BOOB rocked the Giuliani era American city that never sleeps with furious performances of gender dysphoric glam and spit!

BOOB

Surviving records document this vivacious flash of colour which included Walt Paper, Loxanna and Desi-Monster and had as it’s poster-girl, burlesque super vixen; the world-famous BOB! with such vigor it’s amazing that very few people know of them.

‘Scary Monsters‘, displays perfectly their damaged acidic visual extravaganza and sonic assault. Each show was a spectacle themed and co-ordinated to perfection. BOOB remain one of my all-time favourite multi-media, genre bending performance troupes. PERIOD.

4. The Wasp Women

You may not know this… but I have a bit of an obsession with… THE WASP WOMEN!

The Wasp Women

Former members of legendary San Francisco drag troupe, the Angels of Light (no, not the Swans side project) – themselves a splinter group of the infamous Cockettes, the Wasp Women are known for their performance in the Marc Huestis feature; ‘Whatever Happened to Susan Jane’ and one surviving single re-issued by Dark Entries records entitled, ‘KILL ME!’ Recently, I was able to interview one of the few surviving members of the core outfit, Teena. I couldn’t believe my luck with that one!

Trashy, loud, lewd and seriously spooky, the Wasp Women were freaked out drag and faux queens with a sick sense of humour and they wrapped that up in towering white wigs, film noir and punk bon viveur! They are the epitome of cool and were described recently by David Weissman (dir. of the Cockettes documentary) to me as ‘TERRIFYING’ proving that way before many contemporary queens had even donned a frock, that being part of the alternative scene and the gay scenes were not only compatible, but when joined in unison, a force of dynamic black humour to be reckoned with!

Read my interview with Teena, here.

Watch them perform ‘Kill Me’ and ‘I Don’t Need Your Attitude’.

3. Lydia Lunch

The undisputed heavy weight champion of brutalism. A FUCKING PIONEER PEOPLE!!! Lydia is actually one of the BEST performers of any genre AND she created one of my favourite pieces of music EVER, ‘Pass Like Night’. I was lucky enough to catch her aggressive dark blues rock band BIG SEXY NOISE a few months back in the Fleece. Seriously. I could have died when she stroked my face and gave me a kiss on the cheek later that evening.

Lydia Lunch

Completely unrestrained, confrontational, unique and ultimately inspiring; Lunch is a gem in the crown of the underground Punk and Goth movements. Her contributions are numerous and almost impossible to catalogue. She has defied individual classification and boasts a career that encompasses dramatic prose, spoken word, gothic, industrial, no-wave, noise rock, jazz, blues and mixed media installation.

No-one does it quite like Lydia. Lady Scarface is the epitome of subcultural cool.

2. Squeaky Blonde

Where do I begin?! Blood bitch from L.A. and the very reason I began performing drag. Squeaky is the outsider Tranimal queen that birthed bitches like me all over America and the UK. She truly is the grand high witch and to not include her would have been INSANE!

Squeaky Blone (c) Austin Young

Brutal, hysterical, disgusting, disturbed and totally addictive, Squeaky is one of the most unique contemporary drag performers and has become the representative of an entirely bizarre sub-genre of drag, Tranimal, along with modern luminaries such as Jer Ber Jones, Fade-Dra and Jackie Hell.

Performances test the limits of comedy, decency and aural possibility as she attacks her audiences with orgiastic washes of colour, fierce visuals and haunting noise. I’ve never heard a version of ‘Walk on By’ quite like Squeakys! Her performance in the Peaches Christ short mentioned earlier, ‘Nightmare on Castro Street’ was drop-dead funny! Oh my god watch it now!!!!

Quite simply, the undisputed WITCH QUEEN of Los Angeles!

1. Diamanda Galas

Diamanda Galas

To me, she represents all of the most important aspects of contemporary performance and art (mutually inclusive of course). She wages an ageless war that spans varying disciplines and is wholly unique, dredging darkness and depravity, hopelessness and despair fresh from the soil in a method that is so totally her own that she has long held her position as not only one of the most controversial but most RADICAL of modern voices. After all, who the hell else could pull off a line such as…

‘GIVE ME SODOMY, OR GIVE ME DEATH!”

Without it sounding contrived.

If ever I look to anyone within the canon of artists whose position within the darker edge of performance is held in such a lofty state, it is almost always Galas. She is an inspiration.

The ultimate. The indescribable (my words fall terribly short). The MAGNIFICENT:

DIMANDA GALAS

Happy Halloween

Bile and Bruises

Dis Charge

x

Until you have lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is. – Margaret Mitchell

Margaret Mitchell

Success is a public affair. Failure is a private funeral. – Rosalind Russell

Rosalind Russell

Texas based Lula Houp-Garou, the Ingenue with Ingenuity discusses Sabrina Chap‘s Vaudevillian inspired European Tour and her new album, We Are the Parade.

Sabrina Chap’s got the cure for what ails you – and in true vaudeville fashion, she’s packed up her lyrical medicine show and is hitting the road to preach her truth and cast your demons out. (And maybe, just maybe, she might make out with you behind the tiny big top – if you’re lucky.)

Sabrina Chap (c) Sabrina Chap

Chap’s last album, “Oompa!” – a delightful ragtime and cabaret inspired romp – secured her place as a favorite travelling performer in the American burlesque and vaudeville circuit. Many a burlyq’er has swooned over the ecdysiastic possibilities for the saucy track, “Never Been A Bad Girl”, and audiences across America have been titillated speechless by the deceptively sweet and shocking “The One Thing I Have Never Done.” (Alternately titled, “The Dirty Song” – not available on either of her albums, but a frequently-requested live crowd favorite.) She’s even rewritten the classic jazz ditty “Booty Swing” (revamped to “Burlesque Booty Swing”) to pay name-dropping tribute to just a few of the various burlesque beauties that she’s shared dressing rooms and drinks with across the country.

Oompa! by Sabrina Chap (c) Sabrina Chap

“We Are the Parade”, Chap’s newest body of work, lures you in with the familiar promise of amusing wordplay and rollicking tunes – and to be sure, there’s plenty to be had. She’ll waltz you around the room until you’re breathless with glee, or recite dirty jokes in the corner until you’re in stitches – but then she’ll pour you a whiskey and sit you down for a real fucking heart-to-heart about life’s bullshit. She’ll take your hand to steady your teacup when you’re trembling through heartache, but also to drag you off the floor and out into the streets to march in the parade gathering steam outside. (As per the title track – part spunky battle cry, part jubilant love anthem.)

We Are The Parade by Sabrina Chap (c) Sabrina Chap

It’s a scrapbook of human experience – and each track is further evidence of hard-earned growth, both personal and artistic. The lyrics reflect not only Chap’s trademark wit and raunch, but also soul-searingly honest emotional reflection and world-weary political satire. The catchy melodies of “Oompa” have given way to fascinatingly complex orchestrations that mimic the indescribable drama of ordinary human emotion. Chap’s distinctive voice is supported by over 25 musicians, and backed by Brooklyn post-punk soul band Ava Luna, who chime in with doo-wop choruses, Andrews Sisters-esque crooning, and occasionally, cheerleading chants. The album incorporates such a wide variety of musical influences – ragtime, dixie, swing, cabaret, soul, blues, latin, big band – that each song feels like a postcard from a different time and place, with notes and anecdotes scribbled across the back.

Ultimately, the album serves as a peek inside the dusty, well-worn suitcase of this ambitious contemporary American artist and world-traveller. …But are these truly momentos and dog-eared diary pages on display, or novelty amusements and miracle elixirs carefully curated for your benefit? You’ll have to “take a chance on this quick romance” with Sabrina Chap and decide for yourself. Either way, she’ll fix you up good.

You can find more information and listen to her albums on her website, as well as learn about her other artistic endeavors. (Most notably, “Live Through This: On Creativity and Self-Destruction” – a collection of stories, artwork, and photography by a variety of artists, exploring the intersection of creative and destructive forces – a topic all too resonant to many of us in the arts.)

Live Through This: One Creativity and Self-Destruction – Edited by Sabrina Chap

Or check her out live! She’ll be touring the UK this fall – performing at burlesque shows, queer parties, and cabarets, as well as lecturing on mental health and creativity. You can find the complete tour details below, as well as here. All dates 2013.

Nov. 22 – Party Launch Glasgow

Nov. 23 – The Gatsby Club Glasgow University Union 32 University Avenue Glasgow G12 8LX United Kingdom 8:30 pm £14.00 Tickets. Facebook event. 

ALSO Nov. 23 Sabrina Chap – Full Cabaret Set Riding Room 58 Virginia Street Merchant City, G1 1TX Glasgow, United Kingdom 11 pm. Facebook event.

Nov. 24 – Dive Cabaret/Burlesque Edinburgh Nov. 26 – Bar Wotever Royal Vauxhall Tavern 372 Kennington Lane, SE11 5HY Doors 6pm-Midnight, on stage 8.30 Entry Free, but we will shake that bucket to help covering travels etc.. Facebook event.

Nov. 28 – Queer Cabaret Leeds

Nov. 29- La Boheme Burlesque La Boheme Cross York Street, Drinks – 7 pm, Show – 9 pm. Facebook event.

Nov. 30 – Duckies Manchester

Lula Houp-Garou

A fox is a wolf who sends flowers. – Ruth Brown

Ruth Brown

Every performer, every compere, and probably most audience members, understands the importance of a good introduction.

 Often when we talk about comperes we rehash the basics –

• Warm up the audience and explain what is expected of them

• Heckling and how to deal with it

• Honing of extra skills in order to fill the time whilst the stage is be dressed/props set, etc – such as comedy, magic or singing.

Sometimes it is touched upon that the way an act is introduced can, on occasion, help or hinder that act and performer. But all too often the onus is put solely on the compere.

Introducing a Performer – a two way relationship

I’ve been a performer for several years, and during that time I have also compered, and I have produced shows – as such there are lots of acts that I have come across. Some need no introduction at all, their entirety is represented on the stage, and others need elaborate scene setting. I strongly feel, as a performer, that an act should be introduced as requested most especially if that introduction is a necessary set up for the act. But as a compere, I know how unrealistic this can often be. Sometimes you are not given the performer and act information until the night of the show, at which point memorising isn’t likely and reading off a card can seem unprofessional (and impossible in certain lighting).

Creative solutions are not always the safest or most practical on stage!

There are acts where the right introduction is necessary in terms of set up, and so. If that is the case,  I would recommend no more than a sentence of explanation (anymore and it will potentially chopped about or parts forgotten). The fact is, you’re not the only performer they are introducing, there is a lot going on. Consider making your introduction short and punchy, break it down to the basics if you need to rely on it to set up your act.

 For example, my Go Ape! act (based on Planet of the Apes) can be lost on the audience if the introduction is missed, and so I’ve broken it down to be as simple as possible. All I need is for the compere to drop into the introduction that it is based on a Sci-fi classic. This will hopefully clue the audience in enough to get what’s going on when I’m up on stage. What I don’t want is any mention of the “ape” aspect as this is the first reveal.

Tiger Going Ape… (C) David Hammonds

The vast majority of times I have performed this routine, I have had amazing introductions – my favourite being from comedian Wil Hodgson who really played off the sci-fi angle and pepped up the evidently super nerdy audience. I got an amazing audience reaction to the routine, which I feel would not have been half as good had it not been introduced so well. I know this, because my worst introduction to this routine was at an event with a largely non-burlesque audience where my act was introduced as “here is Tiger Tiger with Go Ape!”. The audience had not been introduced to me as a performer, or to my act. As such the audience were incredibly confused – why was I dressed as an ape and where is the Tiger? What was going on? A few of them got the reference once I revealed my photo of Cornelius (main character from Planet of the Apes), but even so it was largely lost on them.

Tiger Gone Ape… (C) James Brown

That kind of introduction and audience reaction can be incredibly hard for a performer. Because then the onus is wholly on the performer to convey their act. Some would argue that this is how it should be – the act should be complemented by the introduction not reliant on it. Personally, I believe there is a fine line – not being assisted by the introduction would mean either having to include some sort of intro seamlessly in the act (which is not always possible, otherwise we’d have already done it!); include some sort of representative prop in the act (where possible – for some acts this might ruin a reveal); or curtail our creativity and stick to acts that are wholly self-contained.

So yes, this is a two way relationship, that I honestly feel is best understood by comperes who do or have also performed, or who are well seasoned and have come to understand this from their experiences. The way you introduce the act can make or break the act itself and the audiences understanding and reaction to it.

Performers, please appreciate the restrictions of the compere. They may have a time restriction, they certainly have memory restrictions, and few are happy to read word for word a paragraph on a card even if there aren’t the usual restrictions of stage lighting. If you are noticing that an act is time and again being introduced with difficulty – bits are being left out, mixed up or said wrong – then consider it might be the introduction that needs revising. Work out the parts that are the most important, and give only this information to the compere. It is tempting to say “well if you can say X, Y and Z, that’s great, but if not, just say Z”. The risk is that the compere will introduce just Y and make no sense at all. Not because they are incompetent, but because they are one of the few people (along with stage managers/hands, and sound techs) who are working the WHOLE of that show. They are busy, they have lots of acts to introduce, and they are on stage that whole time – they have a lot of pressure on them – to keep the show flowing and be constantly and consistently entertaining. The vast majority of comperes want to do the best by you, but you have to help them make that possible. Be realistic, and hone it all down to the basics, give them the most exact information you can – they know what they’re doing and will give you an awesome intro!

Getting an introduction correct can be essential!

Introducing burlesque – it’s all about respect

I leave this to last as it is arguably the more important point.

All shows begin, as we well know, with a brief outline of what the audience can expect to see at the show. This is where we warm up the audience and teach them what is expected of them – clapping, cheering, whooping, etc. It has long been standard to expect something along the lines of “the more you cheer the more they take off”.

This is something I really have a problem with.

Firstly, it’s not true.

What he said!

Can you imagine a show where the audience don’t give you the reaction you want so you just leave that article on? Finish the show with one glove still on and your bra just unhooked at the back? I didn’t think so.

This style of introduction has often stirred up feminist arguments as well, because, more oft than not, comperes are male. So a man introducing a performer thusly (the majority of whom are female), feels wrong. It can also be a bit weird for potential cabaret acts of the show, who have no plans to undress whatsoever and so are being missed in this introduction.

As a compere though, and perhaps especially for male comperes (?), it can be difficult to know how to introduce burlesque to an audience, especially when you are so used to seeing the above at every show you go to. It takes time to consider how else it can be done. Some comperes, in my experience women, gloss over the cause and effect option of the introduction, but even so struggle to find the incentive for the audience to cheer us on – because there has to be an incentive? Maybe that’s a question for another day.

The worst introduction I have ever heard was for a show that I performed at a few years ago, where myself and the two other burlesque performers at a band night were introduced repeatedly and offensively in a lurid and husky tone as “Dirty Girls”, the compere’s grin twisted in lust, with actual lip licking occurring. Not surprising then that one or two members of the audience felt it was perfectly appropriate to come into the performance space and try to accost us “dirty girls” during our acts.

Perhaps you were expecting something else?

This example highlights something that needs addressing in the burlesque world. Although this is the extreme, it serves to show that even with the most honourable intentions, many introductions lack respect for the performers and their art – the fact that they are rather beautifully sharing their bodies with the audience. They are giving the audience a privilege that they have chosen to bestow, they are not there for the audiences pleasure. Now, I do agree (to some extent) with the many posts and articles out there regarding the performers duty to entertain the audience – but the key there is to entertain. If a performer chooses to entertain by performing a striptease, that should be respected. It should not be reduced to a mummery – a puppet show where our actions are dictated by the whim of the audience. On a deeper level, it takes away our identities as performers and reduces our art.

So then, on the flip side how do we tackle this? For this I give examples of two comperes I have had the pleasure of working with. Firstly, the introduction given by the quite wonderful Vivacity Bliss in which she very comedically explained to the audience that the “the more you cheer the more they take off” line is complete lie. Moreover the rather fabulous Rubyyy Jones, who at our Bristol Burlesque Festival, gave what can only be described as the most entertaining feminist rant ever created. With skill and hilarity, she took it that step further and explained why we shouldn’t expect more clothes to drop the more we cheer, that this is an art that we all work very hard at,  and that in reality the audience is there to cheer us on and support our art. Introductions like this are so important in charging the perception audiences are given of what a burlesque show is. Changing it from that mummery to a glorious work of art that they have been welcomed to enjoy.

We need more of these introductions, we need to flush out the “cheer for more” attitude. We need this because not only was that introduction inspiring it was, quite simply, correct.

The fabulous Rubyyy Jones at the Bristol Burlesque Festival (C) Michael Goes Click

I’ve dedicated my career to fighting the mundane. My hope is that my career will be a shining example to children everywhere that life is more meaningful when you are not afraid to see all colours of the rainbow. – RuPaul

RuPaul

The producers of the Bristol Burlesque Festival bring you A COOCHIE CRUNCH CHRISTMAS.
Join us for some badass and occasionally festive shenanigans as we once again take over the theatre at the wonderful Smoke and Mirrors The UK’s Only Boutique Magic Theatre Pub!

A CoochieCrunch Christmas

Doors 8pm
Show 9pm – 10pm
10pm onwards, party with us!!

Tickets – £8 adv  / £10 on the door

Prepare yourself for the awesome talents of:

Your host – Dis Charge

Dis Charge (c) Michael Goes CLICK https://www.facebook.com/MichaelGoesClick

Performances from -
Kitty Kane

Kitty Kane (c) Michael Goes CLICK

Tuesday Laveau

Tuesday Laveau (c) Michael Goes CLICK

Tiger Tiger

Tiger Tiger

Ally Katte

Ally Katte

Machete Rose

Machete Rose

Angelique Dominique

Angelique Dominique

Ivana Van der Fluf

 Ivana Van Der Fluf

We’ll see you there!

I want to say a little something that’s long overdue. The disrespect to women has got to be through. To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends. I want to offer my love and respect to the end. – MCA

MCA

Welcome to Things We Like. These are products that we at CoochieCrunch enjoy using and want to share with you. Nobody has been paid for these reviews, nor are we responsible if this product doesn’t work for you.

I had been looking for a new way to add some shimmer to my stage make-up. I’m kind of a glitter monster, I’ve had success using glitter liquid eyeliner to either line my eyes or as a shadow, but I felt that my make-up kit needed a fresh sparkle injection for the festive season.

E.L.F (Eyes. Lips. Face) Cosmetics had come to my attention a few times through recommendations from MUA’s and other performers. Their prices are incredibly reasonable and they are an ethical company who don’t test on animals or use animal derived ingredients in their products.

So I checked out their website and I found this:

The E.L.F. Shimmer Palette (c) Tuesday Laveau

The E.L.F. Shimmer Palette! It looked like exactly what I wanted, a shimmering, but not glitter, cream. I ordered it, but at £3.75, I wasn’t expecting a whole lot. Then it arrived. A tidily packaged matt black compact, with mirror, applicator brush and four shades of shimmer cream ranging from Champagne to Blush.

I applied one of the lighter colours from eye crease to brow and set it with a matching eyeshadow, followed by my usual routine of eyeliner, mascara and lashes. It looked awesome and really highlighted my brow bone beautifully. It lasted through me teaching a dance class and didn’t smudge or fade. The only thing was that with the product having a greasy texture, I couldn’t apply liquid eyeliner over the top of it. But that’s a pretty easy problem to fix, just don’t put it where you apply your eyeliner, duh.

So if you’re looking for shimmering alternative to glitter, try out the E.L.F. Shimmer Palette.

Stripper case all organised. Pretty! (c) Tuesday Laveau

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. – George Carlin

Make-up tricks and tips from the immaculately spooky Dis Charge.

There comes a point in everyone’s life when they realise that to succeed and to thrive in the worlds of business and even in pleasure, one must indeed, dress the part. An armani suit here, a Vivienne Westwood Basque there and voila! The perfect silhouette achieved. Nothing unfortunately is quite that simple. Clothes may maketh the WOman but nothing screams glamour and success in quite the same way as immaculate maquillage. I’m talking about beating face here people, about the artistic application of strategic cosmetic enhancing products. Of slapping that shit on like warpaint before some corporate whore steps raggedly on our words and steals away our moneys honey!

In this tutorial I plan to open wide my beauty book secrets for you all. Look on in wonder, suckle at my pendulous teat and drink the heady cocktail of liquid eyeliner mineral powder that doth FLOW.

Unshaven! (c) Dis Charge

Step 1: Smooth Surface

For me this is very important though there is an exception to every rule. I prefer to start completely clean shaven but a bearded lady is a sexy sight so this one, feel free to skip…

Clean Shaven! (c) Dis Charge

Step 2:  Cover Your Brows!!

Nobody wants natural eyebrows, I certainly don’t! Why be natural when you can be supernatural, and if you can’t shave them off completely then why not hide your shame like a government would; heap a pile of crap over it and paint on top in pretty colours so that no one suspects a thing.

Taking and alcohol wipe, run over your brows and give them a deep clean. This will remove pesky oils that we just don’t need. Once this is done, take a clean mascara brush (you can buy them cheap and easy – like me – from Wilkos) and brush the hairs against the grain and upwards. I then dip the same brush into spirit gum and completely comb this through making them sticky and hard (that’s right, you heard me). Pat them down flat against your forehead with a sponge applicator of a large velour makeup pad.

Padding over eyebrows (c) Dis Charge

Repeat this step four times allowing for drying time in between. Make sure they are stuck down real good.

Hard & Sticky. (c) Dis Charge

Now that you’ve covered your brows with spirit gum, it’s time to pile even more shit on your face! This time a heavy ass craft glue or wax by kryolan such as Brow Plastic works well. If you’re using a glue I’d suggest one of the white ones that come quite cheaply and are water soluble. Take a butter knife or craft spatula and scrape a small slab off the side then paste it all over your brows to make then completely smoothe. Once this is done pile on a bunch of white powder to ensure no darkness from the brows remains. I will cover again with spirit gum at this point and powder over this to seal these final layers. Nobody said that beauty was easy!!

Block your eyebrows out. (c) Dis Charge

Step 3 : Camouflage!

Take your simple neutral shade foundation, I prefer a panstick in clown white or TV white by Kryolan, and smother your skin. Get into every crack and crevice, if you’re like me and developing ravines, this may take a little while. You can see in the below image how flawless I make my base and how soft and glowing I appear, at this stage, even though I haven’t got brows, I look like a young Lana Turner.

Blank Face (c) Dis Charge

Seal with a complimenting pressed powder or if you prefer, continue on with contouring using cream shadows.

Step 4: Eyes

I spend a great deal of attention to my eyes because, its true, they are the window to the soul. It goes without saying of course, that I am a soulless bitch, so it’s far better for me to appear colourful and sweet, leading to my infamous candy bright eyes.

Candy Bright Eyes (c) Dis Charge

I use a cream shadow to cover the main lid and then trace in the new crease line incorporating the old and… Expanding on it, to create a larger eye shape… Bigger is better after all! Once this has been applied (here, I used a yellow and green) and then set and blend these using high pigment powders to soften and define the eye. I also draw a striking cats eye flick to line the upper lid and elongate the shape.

Brows come next. I suggest pointy and harsh or none at all if you like. Of course creativity is key here, why not use dots of colour instead of a solid brow shape or maybe stick feathers or crystals on instead, hell you can even use baking foil if you want…

Astro Dis Charge (c) Dis Charge

Step 5 : Contouring

Pesky cheekbones like mine are always getting lost in the wasteland of my face, the same could be send for my jawline, so let’s get creative shall we?

Who needs boring beige when scarlet or magenta are to hand?! Carve those features back in and let’s see the drama unfurl shall we… Start with some electric zygomatics! Then, on to the jawline. So many women are unaware of their tide lines, allowing for pale necks that contrast horribly with orange faces, I whole heartedly embrace the inverse, let’s face it, it makes us all look that little bit slimmer and everyone is instantly fooled. Presto change-o, bang go a hundred pounds…

Full Face (c) Dis Charge

You are now ready, spray a whole bunch of hairspray on it, stick a wig on it and get changed… A la liquid silver, you should look, a little like this…

Glorious, Glorious Dis Charge (c) Michael Goes Click

Season’s Greeting from CoochieCrunch & Dis Charge!

All adventures, especially into new territory, are scary. – Sally Ride

Sally Ride

CoochieCrunch’s favourite petite bombshell Oh! Carolina shares her 2013 BurlyCon diary.

Earlier this year I was awarded a scholarship from the BurlyCon Committee to attend the 2013 BurlyCon conference in Seattle, Washington. Tuesday asked if I would keep a diary of my experiences for CoochieCrunch – here it is!

To get to BurlyCon I had to travel twenty-four hours non-stop, there’s burly dedication for you! Needless to say, I arrived at Seatac Airport Wednesday evening feeling very jet-lagged, as well as a little floored by some lurgy I had contracted on the plane somewhere over the Atlantic. When I finally arrived at the Doubletree Hilton Hotel where the conference was being held, and after meeting two of my roomies, Vayda Rhinestone and Bella Le Blanc, it was straight to bed!

Thursday

Despite being ill and jet-lagged, I immediately threw myself into a day of full-on dance classes…of course. First up was ‘Floorwork’ with Peekaboo Pointe, followed by ‘Bump & Grind’ with Kitten de Ville. We had a good overview of the basics and some hard-core squatting! A good piece of advice gained, ‘Your body should move like water, let the body move how it wants to’. Oh yah, here’s a photo of Kitten and me:

Oh! Carolina & Burlesque Legend Kitten De Ville (c) Oh Carolina

I’m amazed we managed to fit in the same frame, seeing as she is such an Amazonian goddess and I am a hobbit.

Here’s Kitten doing her thing:

Kitten De Ville teaches a class at BurlyCon 2013 (c) Oh Carolina

After that it was back to Peekaboo Pointe for Burlesque Booty, where I finally learnt what twerking was (I don’t watch much TV). I discovered it was what I had been doing for years, prancing around to dancehall music with my mates.

After classes had finished for the day, we had dinner and then we were off to the Vintage Meet & Greet, where I felt quite tipsy on one glass of champagne (I am blaming the jet-lag). My look for the evening was Russian heiress meets snow queen:

Snow Queen/Russian Heiress Oh! Carolina (c) Oh Carolina

Friday

Friday started with a very welcome morning yoga session (as a yoga teacher I always appreciate the opportunity to just go to a class and be told what to do for once!). Then to breakfast, which was biscuits and gravy – an interesting new experience. It was…alright actually.

But no time to sit around having dinner for breakfast! My first workshop of the day was Amber Ray‘s ‘Costume Courting’. This was just – amazing. I picked up so many costuming secrets which I am never going to divulge to any of you – mwah ha ha! Plus we got to have a look at her fabulous costumes close-up:

Amber Ray’s Costumes! (c) Oh Carolina

After lunch were the keynote speeches, including one from Wild Cherry, who was this year’s ‘Living Legend’ special guest, and a feisty lady by all accounts.

Burlesque Legend Wild Cherry speaks at BurlyCon 2013 (c) Oh Carolina

Next up was a workshop on ‘Entrances and Exits’ with Sydni Deveraux, a very amusing burlesqueteer! She is also another Amazonian goddess (rest assured, I was still a hobbit). This was again a workshop full of great hints and tips.

After taking a boa workshop with Coco Lectric and a ‘Connecting with your Audience’ workshop with Darlinda Just Darlinda, the jet-lag (did I mention that?) and my cold/flu started to catch up with me, and I bowed out of the last class. I managed to watch a couple of peer reviews (these happened every night and I saw some awesomely inventive and inspiring acts) before going for a ‘quick nap’. I woke up at midnight having missed the main social event of the weekend – Burlyprom. Shit.

Saturday

A new day! I’d finally had some sleep and was raring to go. So where better else to start than a full-on go-go class with Burgundy Brixx? Once I was suitably knackered again, I refuelled at breakfast and followed this with a fan workshop with Michelle L’Amour. A good tip from Michelle which I shall pass on – don’t wear lipgloss with feather fans or boas!

Next was ‘Acrobatic Floorwork’ with Miranda Tempest, followed by ‘Tango Cabaret Chair Dance’ with Ruby Joule. Then the much anticipated-by-me workshop with Jo Weldon on ‘Assels and Tassels’. This was just brill, and that Ms Weldon is a mighty fine lookin’ lady.

To finish the day, I went to a lecture on ‘Illuminating Costumes’. Some of you may know that I already have an illuminated costume for my ‘Aurora’ act, and after returning to the UK, using the knowledge I gained from this workshop, I managed to successfully re-wire part of it all by myself. Score!

Sunday

First up was ‘Gloves, Arms and Hands’ with Joe Williams. This man is just a genius – that’s all I can say. If you haven’t heard of him look him and his work up at the ‘The Delsarte Project‘. People left this workshop actually stunned into silence, and it made me wish I had attended his earlier class on using props.

So before I run through the last of the workshops I attended I must say that, by this last day, I was starting to panic. So many great opportunities and it was nearly all over! I felt an irrational need to do so much more in these last few hours than was humanly possible, and as a result I probably did less than I could have done, as I was too busy impersonating a headless chicken. I’d previously carefully planned out my schedule, but this all was now thrown to the wind and I found myself in unexpected places I never intended to be.

One of these was Legs Malone‘s workshop on ‘Healing your Relationship with your Body‘. I have always been pretty body-confident but of course I have little niggles about certain parts of me, like most people do. And when they locked the doors and I realised I was surrounded by open-and-comfortable-with-discussing-their-issues American types, my British reserve went into overdrive. I was filled with impending doom at the thought that I would be required to ‘share’. However, I DID share (a bit), and it wasn’t so bad. I even discovered a like-minded soul who turned out to be a ‘scar-sister’, and between us we managed to vocalise exactly what it was that bugged us about these scars so much. A great day for personal development. Nevertheless they finally unlocked those doors and I was out like a shot, and randomly headed to ‘Comedy and Burlesque’ and ‘Why are you Naked?’ workshops.

Then it was over.

On our last evening a group of us headed downtown for food and gay bar visiting.

Bar crawling at BurlyCon (c) Oh Carolina

And found a photobooth.

Photobooth! (c) Oh Carolina

For every workshop I attended, there were about two or three more which I would have liked to have gone to. Although I learnt so much and came away with my brain working overtime, processing new ideas and avenues of investigation, I felt I had missed out on so much more. Those who live closer and are able to attend every year are very lucky, they have such a valuable resource to hand. I’m so glad I had the opportunity to go and I learnt so much. Whether you are a newcomer or a seasoned professional, if you get the chance to go to BurlyCon, DO IT!

Postscript

After BurlyCon I took a few days to visit friends in Oregon before heading back to Seattle for my flight. I got straight off the train and met up with my BurlyCon roomie Vince V. Vice at the Atomic Bombshell‘s show ‘Lost in Space!’

Here we are, next to an empty fish tank:

Oh! Carolina & Vince V. Vice. And an empty fish tank. (c) Oh Carolina

This show was the perfect end to my Seattle trip; it was a high production-value, full-on Burlesque extravaganza featuring amongst others, Indigo Blue, Inga Ingenue, Waxie Moon, Paris and Trojan Original and Lily Verlaine. The whole show was stunning and captured the 1950s/60s space exploration era perfectly. I have to say though that Paris Original’s dancing was exquisite, and every time he was on stage my attention was drawn to him.

And afterwards we chatted to the cast. Oh yah, here’s a photo of Indigo Blue and me:

Oh! Carolina & Indigo Blue (c) Oh Carolina

The next morning it was time to go home. Exhausted and happy, I endured once more the twenty-four hours of travel time followed by jet-lagged near-coma (did I mention the jet-lag at all?) I’d do it all again in a heartbeat though.

Oh! Carolina

I know I always say my occupation is not dancing, but dancing is in my heart, dancing makes me feel good. – Lil Kim

Lil Kim

Me, sexy? I’m just plain ol’ beans and rice. – Pam Grier

Pam Grier